I need a new job?

I've never spent so much time in a job like this. I'm working on the same firm for like...3 years.

Started with an internship then was admitted within the first year. They raised my ordinance and, a year later, gave me a promotion. This time, the raise was not as much as I expected in view of my, at the time, brand new certification. This made me sad, but I kept going. It's a nice place to work, after all.

A year has passed and here I am, standing still, stuck in the same place. Aside the "low" ordinance, I'm still learning a lot, which is nice, but I feel like I'm stuck in here. Many of my initial coworkers are gone, either in a better paying job or a better known firm or both.

My boss says I'm one of the best employees he ever had, so why I'm still here?

Why I'm standing still, stuck in the same place, with no view of a better future?

Because I'm standing still! The fault is all mine, damn it.

Time to move on.

Kelly

She's so beautiful that offends and, despite it, is just a girl, has lots to learn.

Her dreamy way, her inocence amuses me. I cheer for her, even knowing her chances are not the best.

This is how freak fans must feel when their team isn't the best in the league.

I hope we bump into each other some day so I can see how much you've grown and how beautiful you still are.

Abandonment

He had many faces, the ones from the people he killed.

Found him at the bottom of the abyss, encaged, but I released him.

It walked out of the cage still wary.

Was father and, at the same time, daughter.

Came to me and wispered in my ear:

"The abandonment is, for those who leave, the death of those who stay"

Fucking Addiction

Yeah...the loneliness slapped me right in the face this weekend.

Friday night I went to a friend's house, played RPG and went back home at 7 AM.
Woke up at 3 PM, gamed 'till 4 AM and realized the job interview was at 9.

While I was taking a shower before sleeping, I meditated about my actions. My gaming addiction was comming back. For the past 5 days I played more than 4 hours a day, going daybreak deep, 'till 3~4 AM. I wasn't doing nothing else but gaming. What the fuck I was thinking? I felt like shit again, walking backwards, fucking regression. Haven't I overcame this yet?

I tried to fill my loneliness with game, the lack of someone to love me, to cuddle, to talk and laugh was taking me down. I found myself in my 16's again.

I haven't even studied to the fucking job application. Not that it was going to make any difference with the result, but I would feel better knowing I gave my best, but even this I haven't done.

Woke up after 3 hours of sleep feeling like a bubblegum chewed and spat by the devil and went to the job exam.

Answered the portuguese questions with confidence. Administrative law, constitucional law, public administration too. Then came the IT questions... "WHAT?!"

What the fuck I was doing there, seriously?
The ones I should know (because I work with IT) I didn't even understood.
I took my shit and went home. Just lost my time in the exam.

Well, fuck that, less one thing to bound me to this country.

All the time I just wanted a girl to tell me she love me. Nothing else would matter. The job, the gaming, the dirty dishes or the son of a whore behind me that loved to honk in the traffic jam.

And I would say "I love you too".

I need you RIGHT NOW!

Do you know that feeling of butterflies in your stomach, sweat and cold in your hands, breathlessness, weakness in your legs, heart palpitation, goose bumps? So... falling in love is so messed up...

Why so apathetic?

I'm sick of this fucking country.

Sick of so much trash in the politics.

How can we afford a world cup while there's so much to do about our educational system and public security?

Sick of this apathy, this conformism. The people are so accustomed to being fucked in the ass everyday that they don't even bother anymore.

Hello, people? Don't you get tired? Your asses don't even hurt anymore, do they?

Well, I'm tired.

That's why I must get the hell out of here...

Happy B-day, J.

"Hey! How are you doing?

Not much around here. My mother came visit me these days and that's all.

I feel better after we straightened everything.

I still miss you, but i know that it's just loneliness burning, and that time will heal this wound.

Time flies, doesn't it? It seems just like it was yesterday that I wondered who was that shy girl in black who was talking to me.

Damn, so much happened since then... so much...

So, welcome to the 20's club, heh

I could wish you a lot of things...

That you succeed teaching your little sister how to be a real woman

That you graduate with honors

That you become a great professional

That you become an example of person/citizen

That you get a place to truly call home

That you find someone, maybe?

But you know what...life is full of uncertainties, plans change, people change.

I learned that life is too short to not forgive, not love, not laugh, not be touched, not be sincere, not be yourself, not give yourself entirely.

Life is too short to waste time not being happy.

So, J, be happy.

With whoever, however, wherever you have to.

Big hug"