Fucking Addiction

Yeah...the loneliness slapped me right in the face this weekend.

Friday night I went to a friend's house, played RPG and went back home at 7 AM.
Woke up at 3 PM, gamed 'till 4 AM and realized the job interview was at 9.

While I was taking a shower before sleeping, I meditated about my actions. My gaming addiction was comming back. For the past 5 days I played more than 4 hours a day, going daybreak deep, 'till 3~4 AM. I wasn't doing nothing else but gaming. What the fuck I was thinking? I felt like shit again, walking backwards, fucking regression. Haven't I overcame this yet?

I tried to fill my loneliness with game, the lack of someone to love me, to cuddle, to talk and laugh was taking me down. I found myself in my 16's again.

I haven't even studied to the fucking job application. Not that it was going to make any difference with the result, but I would feel better knowing I gave my best, but even this I haven't done.

Woke up after 3 hours of sleep feeling like a bubblegum chewed and spat by the devil and went to the job exam.

Answered the portuguese questions with confidence. Administrative law, constitucional law, public administration too. Then came the IT questions... "WHAT?!"

What the fuck I was doing there, seriously?
The ones I should know (because I work with IT) I didn't even understood.
I took my shit and went home. Just lost my time in the exam.

Well, fuck that, less one thing to bound me to this country.

All the time I just wanted a girl to tell me she love me. Nothing else would matter. The job, the gaming, the dirty dishes or the son of a whore behind me that loved to honk in the traffic jam.

And I would say "I love you too".